morning exercise with paper oldies

Never woke up that early before in my life for a job, this morning I had to get up at 5:30 to track down old people picking up junks to sell as part of the 3 parts series feature reflecting elderly problems in Hong Kong.
I tracked down an old man and his wife whom turned out to be the biggest paper box collector of that one particular public estate near my office. The amount of paper boxes and old newspaper they picked up is enough to cover a humble life for him and his wife.
His wife was reluctant to talk, but his husband on the other hand is more friendly and in better shape to speak. But the whole time, that nasty old man wouldn't stop staring at my boobies.

I felt very uncomfortable.

We took a break in between when he was busying picking up paper boxes. I told my another male reporter who's in his 50s, that I felt uncomfortable talking to that old man.
And he went, "well, just talk to him like one of your grandfather or something.''
"Yeah, but my grandfather won't stare at my boobs the whole time when talking to me,'' I argued back.
That more experienced reporter coming from a western background said, "Just use what you have got.''
I sat there in silence and trying to figure out is there an angle I could adjust, so I could get him sit down telling me his story without fixating his sight on my boobs.
"Let him stare, just don't let him to touch them.'' that experienced male reporter said.
I was left with no choice.
Desperaterate to get that story and felt like selling myself off.
It was all too confusing. I don't know. I figured it's not worth it because he's not giving me enough good information to make a A1 story.
So, I sort of use my bag, notebook and took the old man to a bench where we weren't directly facing each other.
informaiton downloaded and problem solved.
sweet.

talking about control here?

I said I choose what I said and to whom and how I said it. Well, looks like I 'm loosing it these days. Here is it, been working for 12 days straight against the labour law in Hong Kong and finally finished the first main feature, one of the 3 parts series covering elderly problems. May be I'm too burnt out that I'm burning people around me too. I argued with my partner who had more than 20 years of experience in Journalism, for many times. We yelled at each other like kids and he hanged up on me via phone. Also,with My boss,yes,my boss, for many times. Today he said he wants to kill me.

Tonight, when my best friend has lashed out on me because of a bottle of ten dollar beer. I stood up and left. I didn't want to sit there and kept on argueing like what I did with my project partner. I knew that the longer I stayed, the more we will be argueing and the more damages it did to us. All that was unnecessary and could have been avoided. But not knowing how and why it went wrong, she stormed out. It's really hurting that we are fighting for something so stupid like this, and when i'm at one of my most vulnerable moment because of the work load.
Most of my friend think i'm one of the most generous person on earth. I never care about money as long as a bunch of friends are having a good time. But tonight, i was accused being ,"spending others people's money''. I can't even afford to go deeper in the argument because it's plain stupidity and really hurting. It's almost, someone is delibrately, out of boredom, picked up anything on the floor to argue about.
But,all I can do is kept on thinking what on earth is wrong with me? Why are people getting mad at me when I'm working so hard at work and being a good friend?
I believe things happen for a reason. There must be something wrong about me that I can't see.
Right now, I guess i need to calm down and concentrate at my work. but this is pathetic way to avoid the reality. may be I really need a long break so i can put everything behind my head. It's too confusing and I need to figure things out.

Bitter and rain

Hong Kong is undergoing it's rainy season now. It has been raining for two weeks and the sun is resting his lazy arse. I spent splendid time with one of my lovely friend and co-worker one night. Her sensual character gives her a psychic-alike understanding of human beings. It's one of the reason why I love her so much. The night begun with some off-tune singing from us with the help of an occasional off-tune piano (the pianist needs more practice). We had Tsing Tao beer and rocky road ice cream(it was melting terribly) that night when we were watching Bridget Jones 2 The Edge of Reason. She talked about how crap Bridget is and how much she hates Hugh Grant because he is one sneaky piece of arse just like one of our ex-workmate. We mildly argued a little about her comment on the movie and the characters.I kept on reminding her that ,hey girl, it's just a comedy and these are what women do ok? women are women...yada yada... That kind of crap. It was followed by some vivid discussion about what we had gone through last year as young journalists in Hong Kong. She told me I have became so bitter along the way and that I'm no longer innocent.
Well, I'm not surprised. I have made efforts to tune my loud character down deliberately over time. I have controlled what I said to whom and how do I say it. That also means I'm putting part of my individuality behind. If that means less frictions at work place, I'm trading for it. I guess this job is gradually soften my edges externally. I'm getting along with people better but deep down inside, there are things that people do everyday are still pissing me off. But I ain't saying anything nomore.
It's really useful when I just draw out my goals and concentrate on tasks.
I'm getting quieter in front of workmates everyday. By doing so, I think I can save my time and energy on bigger things that I truly care about, like putting up great articles that would arouse social debates or bringing an impact to the society.

But secretly I'm worrying, by gradually compromising my external individuality, will I become this selfish girl one day that couldn't careless about anything else? Even social issues that I'm passionate about right now?
I guess there there is a balance to be made between when to stop compromising external behaviour when it is starting to affect you internal believes?

This is what it's like when you are young.Constantly figuring things out. But once you figured them out, it would be too late cos u are just too damn old, walking around with diapers and too weak and frail to do anything to make a difference with the knowledge you gained over time.

My bitterness is well-blended with Hong Kong's rain. Here I am sitting at a corner at work, working on more than 200 pages of statistics and my heart is as peaceful as a clear mirror.

Elderly problems overdosed

I'm still thrilled after my grumpy editor assigned me to work on an elderly package in Hong Kong a few days ago. To put it another way, we are talking about indepth features on elderly problems and issues in the territory. Guessing it will be an ongoing coverage probably lasting for a month or two.

Hong Kong's aging population is extremely likely to suck up resources in the existing dole payment, medical and long term care systems in less than 20 years time if nothing is done. By 2033, one in four of the population will be 65 or above. Challenges lying ahead on government's expenditure by the rapidly aging population is unforeseen.

Having no days off plus working 14 hours straight everyday, the amount of statistics that needed to be analyzed plus hardcore interviews with local experts and NGOs are killing my brain cells on light speed.

Even though the process can be long and painful for a young journalist like me, I'm actually really enjoying it. With the help of excessive caffeine consumption, I'm staying up late to work my arse off on this project. Not sure how long am I going to last like this, I just hope the end product could really make a difference in a society with justice distorted by money and power. Hopefully, it might call on our stumble and blindfolded government to act responsibly even just for a little bit and to wake up more conscious souls to engage into social debates with some achievable accurate and balanced reporting.

At least that's how I have planned so far. But no matter how is it going to end, I'm sure this project is going to be a rewarding experience. I have got nothing to lose and am having fun along the journey. Putting things on perspective again, I'm actually gaining a lot.