christmas agony

it's the same old cigarettes smell seeping through winter's cold air in my bedroom. no turkey, no brandy butter pudding during Christmas in my house. hi everyone, i'm 26 and am still single.
a mouth watering hot date had turned cold last night. should have never brought over that 6 hours movie "the best of youth" to watch at his place. should have never met him at the first place anyway. that six-hour time frame would have allowed plenty of bull shit excuses for some intimacy acts or some sort of flirtations.but there was nothing.it turned out to be six hours of agony, to be exact, of me hoping he would lean over. i was staring at the hot Italian actors in the movie and sitting on the other couch,half drunk and agonizing.My mouth watering hot date was figuring out the plots and guessing if the characters were to be ended up banging each other. Hello?!?
i did it again. don't you just hate it when you are once again landed in this vulnerable position and yet, can't let go cos you are so damn into him?
shall never fall for handsome men again.